Figuring it out

figure
noun. a mathematical number, a bodily shape
+
 verb. play a significant role

= my humanly figure is trying to play a role? 

 That’s me figuring it out.

The roles I’ve been in life are constantly adapting and changing.

Son. Student. Employee. Professional. Teacher. Father.

It’s interesting to me that we still live in a world so static and linear. When we meet people we ask them what they “do” that is if you are like most of us. I’ve heard stories of those that float on clouds that just ask what your last name is…apparently that means something as well.

However, why do we ask what we do? When, who we are is constantly evolving. I was this, now I’m here and then I continue. We desire so deeply to tie each other down into actors into this game we play life — when no one is acting at all. We are a certain type of person then we change into something else.

Career | 

We’ve all heard the stories of a child doing exactly what their parents want them to do. Be a lawyer, doctor, filmmaker, teacher…ecetera. Then they quit it all and do something else. We love stories like that and it’s empowering — yet I find myself in an industry that many of the times people are confused if I’ve transitioned from one area to another. “stay in your lane” / “why are you in camera today?” / “what did you study” / “you’re saying this is your first x?”

I started in film as anyone, a guy with a dslr, shooting live concerts, then working as an intern at a production company. Then a salaried employee working on and off set. In production and post production.

As I moved on and went freelance in 2015 I decided to pursue the title of “Director of Photography”, however after filming quite a bit and also loving to have more control and creative say in 2018 I transitioned into co-directing and then in 2019 solo directing, with the support of a few collaborators.

That was me. 75% or so On Set and 25% in Post (editing).

Then 2020 changed everything. (The pandemic)

I went all of a sudden to about 5% on set and 95% in post. Editing projects that were still going on since 2019, working on new remote projects.

It was a dynamic switch and at times I enjoyed diving in more into editing — but missed the thrill and rides of problem solving on the spot with a camera in my arms.

Parenthood | 

August of 2019 I became a father. I kept working at a decent pace, traveling as well — but that changed a bit on how I began to see relationships and my relationship to the world. My work ethic didn’t change but the way I interacted with others did. Meaning, I’ll get the job done but sometimes I’d need to press the brakes on the urgency because I have a hungry child or a situation more pressing to deal with than work.

Therapy |

Soon into 2020, around March, I began therapy. I began journeying not really into my subconscious or some incredible journey — but dealing with what is presently in front of me and how to deal with it. (My therapist focused in the teachings of Gestalt)

I was able to change some of my behavior — learning to confront others, be more direct, take a moment to calm myself and work on consistency in life.

Metamorphous | 

I’m constantly changing as a human — I’ve learned a different language, culture, changed roles in this life, added on some as well. So why do we, or at least myself constantly want to label myself or others?

Aren’t we all just figuring it out?